Need & Want


I have many times in vain tried to teach my children the difference between needs and wants.  Most often these lessons have come in the form of physical items such as toys, presents, clothes or sometimes even dessert.

It has always been a relatively easy differentiation for me to see from the object related needs vs wants and how I or my children really do not need anything but that we want it.

As I have explored lately some of my deepest emotional needs that I have carried throughout my life, many brought on from childhood events and experiences and at time the intense feelings of rejection and loneliness and the emotional need this has created within me.

I need to feel wanted, loved, and accepted.    I need a hug, time and attention when I am down discouraged or feeling those intense feelings of solitude or loneliness that seem to have been such a deep part of me for as long as I can remember.

I do clearly understand the feelings of need I have and do experience and why they are so present in my life.  I have come to understand the experiences that have created that deep emotional and many times unmet need in my life.

The realization struck me that emotional needs are very similar to those we express from a physical perspective of…. I need that new car, I need that new toy…

When we express our desires in the form of “I NEED” we surrender ourselves to an inability to control our emotions or our self.   Need implies that we have no control over it and that we truly need it to survive, ie;   air, food, water.

While we may be overwhelmed with emotion and we truly believe we ‘NEED’ a hug, someone to listen or someone to be present, the reality is that we “WANT” a hug, someone to listen or someone to be present.  We want it and by recognizing that we want something instead of need something it creates the power within us and around us to have that what we want.   Need leaves everything to desperation or chance while want allows for us to take control and not leave anything to chance.

Emotionally wanting is more powerful and liberating than emotionally needing is, need is hopeless with no other options and we maintain no control over it.

When we recognize that emotionally we WANT something instead of NEEDING something then we can make choices that will allow us to get what we want instead of hoping for chance or happenstance to provide what we need.