The Double Standard of Domestic Violence

domesticviolencetopstory

There is a scourge upon society that infiltrates every community, race, social class and religion.  Domestic Violence is such a heinous crime that it destroys many lives and affects nearly 1 in 3 individuals.  This is an epidemic that has destroyed generations of families, yet one that has continually been swept under the rug, hidden away and not discussed.  A dirty little secret no one wanted to ever discuss.  It affects children, men and women.  All can be victims for it is not a scourge that only affects women, or children.  Many men are also victims.

The subject of domestic violence has received a tremendous amount of publicity as of late.  The high profile accusations against several athletes has brought this to a fever pitch.  The advertisers and the public are demanding reform and action take place.  Many are calling for the resignation of Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL.  Many players have been suspended, or banned from the sport.  People are calling for quick and swift action against these players, the teams and the league.

Keep in mind, these players have only been charged, not found guilty.  Yes!  I do understand the video evidence in the Ray Rice deal.  That single case, with the evidence available should be dealt with immediately.  Many of the others are accusations, not convictions.   Society wants them punished simply on an accusation.

Then today,  along comes a little story on FOX Sports regarding another professional athlete, an Olympian no less.  One who represents the United States on the world stage in soccer.  Another Domestic Violence incident.  However, the difference with this case and why it is not getting the national microscopic attention of the other cases is, this is a woman who is charged with the violence.  Ironically there is also a history of violence in her relationships, this is not her first time involved in a domestic violence disturbance, yet the sponsors, the Olympic Committee, coaches and organization are supporting her and standing behind her while she sorts out this unfortunate situation.

Where is the public outcry?  Where is the media?  Where are the sponsors threatening to cancel their agreements with the USOC?  Where are the demands for the resignations of the head of the USOC?

Domestic violence of any sort should be abhorred and steps taken to stop and prevent it from happening should be swift and precise.  There MUST be equality in the decisions made surrounding the alleged perpetrators regardless of gender.

Anything less than complete refusal to accept domestic violence in any sort from any individual will only exacerbate the problem.  The gross inequal attention and treatment based upon gender, age, or any other microscope is abhorrently wrong and will cause significant damage to the cause of eradicating this scourge.

Hope Solo of the US Women Soccer team should be treated the same as any NFL player currently under investigation.

Related articles:

:US Soccer happy to let Solo play despite -http://www.foxsports.com/soccer/story/us-soccer-e happy-to-let-solo-play-despite-domestic-violence-charges-092314

:http://www.foxsports.com/nfl/story/gloria-allred-calls-roger-goodell-resign-commissioner-domestic-violence-brandon-marshall-091814

A Utah Mother Blames the Airline for Hurricane Odile Stranding her Daughter!!! Are You Kidding Me???????

Mexico Hurricane Odil

A Utah mother whose daughter was stranded in Cabo as a result of hurricane Odile had the audacity to blame the airline that took her there?

KSL News radio  reported yesterday of a mother and her frustration at not hearing from her daughter who was in Cabo for a work related getaway.  This mother went on the find fault with the airline for taking her daughter there in the first place, she said that the airlines knew about the pending storm and should never have taken the passengers in the first place.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

This is a perfect example of the insane opinions that everyone else is to blame for your misfortunes?  How about taking responsibility for your own choices and decisions?  It has become all to common and easy to blame others for our own stupid choices.

WAKE UP!!

How is the the airlines fault?

Maybe it should be the engineers fault for designing the airplane that took her there?  Maybe the Airports fault who let the airplane leave in the first place?  Maybe it’s the birds fault who inspired the Wright brothers? Oh I know, it’s the refineries fault for making the fuel that the plane used to fly there??

What an absolutely absurd report by KSL to even include such nonsense in their so called reporting.

This woman should be checked for mental illness!

Why isn’t it her daughters fault for failing to check on the weather prior to her own travel?  The whole world knew this hurricane was approaching and where it would hit land.  Why isn’t it this mothers fault for letting her daughter go in the first place? (even though she is grown woman)

It’s easier to shift blame than to accept responsibility for our own actions,  Wake up!  We make our own choices and it is time to STOP blaming other people when we make stupid decisions!

Take ownership!

Outrage Over the Konduga and Chibok Kidnappings.

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Where is the international outrage?  Where is the support?  Why the silence from the media?  Twenty five school aged girls were kidnapped in Konduga in March, silence.  No rescue efforts.  No outrage.   3 weeks later on April 15th another 230 girls kidnapped from school to be sold as sex slaves and wives. The original 25 kidnappings weren’t even mentioned until after the next kidnapping in April.  Still silence until MAY???  and no international rescue efforts?

The missing Malaysian flight 370 disappears with 227 passengers and 12 crew members in March.  An international search began within 24 hours.  At the peak of the search for this missing plane 26 countries were assisting with aircraft and ships from 11 of them!  Australia, China, Japan, Malaysia, New Zealand, South Korea, The United Kingdom and the United States of America all joined in, spending millions of dollars searching for the missing aircraft.  The search is estimated to cost nearly a QUARTER OF A BILLION dollars!

Where the hell is the logic?  We can spend MILLIONS with thousands of individuals looking for a missing plane within 24 hours and yet 22 days go by for these children and no money spent and FINALLY the US sends a dozen people to help in the search efforts 22 days after they go missing??

These children, little girls are undoubtedly being raped and tortured and the world remains silent?  May God have mercy on our souls.

 

 

image:  www.infonaija.com.ng

The Protest of Differing Beliefs

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What motivates anyone to protest the religious beliefs or meetings of any religion?  This issue seems to come up semi-annually in Salt Lake City during the conferences for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Each session of these conferences are met with protestors and picketers making various claims against the church and its members desiring to worship in peace.  It seems as though the primary focus of those who protest during these conferences are there attempting to disrupt the meetings and create altercations with the attendees.  These protestors thrive on conflict and do all in their power to create it.

I have never been one to protest the personal or religious beliefs of any individual and quite frankly find enlightenment from friends who have differing viewpoints.  I have many friends from nearly all religious and non religious backgrounds.  I have never seen the need to protest or speak against their personal beliefs.  I respect the differences in our beliefs and opinions,  and most of them respect mine.  This creates a great opportunity to learn, understand and accept one another. 

So what truly motivates an individual to desire creating conflict with others as they worship and attend religious services. 

Are they afraid of the teachings?  If so, why?  Most people are afraid of that which they have no understanding of.  If one is fearful of something, wouldn’t trying to understand that difference of belief aid in reducing that fear? Or could it be a fear that they know they are incorrect in their own personal beliefs and are afraid to recognize that within themselves?

Is it merely a lack of knowledge and misunderstanding?  If so, why would anyone be foolish enough to protest anything they do not understand or have knowledge of?  Wouldn’t this make them foolish?

Is it driven by hatred?   I believe so.  I believe that for anyone to protest the personal religious beliefs of another, (this includes those who claim to have no religious beliefs for that is their belief) there must be a deep hatred within them.  Contention is a form of expression for hatred and animosity, and anyone who claims otherwise would find their argument difficult at best to prove,  when love is best expressed through peace and understanding.

We all carry within us differing beliefs. No two people believe exactly the same thing as everyone has their own opinion and interpretation even within the same religions.  To protest another’s beliefs for being different is the truest form of hypocrisy.

Draper City’s Abuse of Power that would make Washington proud!

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The Draper City council steamrolled it’s citizens last night with an abusive display of power and disdain for its own residents with a series of political moves that one would expect from Washington, not your city council.

I was able to attend the city council meeting last night in Draper, Utah.   I am not a resident of this city, however circumstances brought me to this meeting that I had previously not planned to attend.  While sitting in this room I listened as one resident after another stood to speak in regards to a proposed street project along a rural and historical stretch of Draper City. 

The common theme throughout this meeting from the residents, one they were all in agreement with, was that this stretch of roadway needed to be widened with a sidewalk, curb and gutter.  Apparently with a new elementary school nearby, many children were forced to walk along a section of this street with no sidewalk on their way to and from school.

The issue the residents were raising with Mayor Troy Walker (who was elected in November and had served as a city council member since 2008) and the city council was the amount of widening the city wanted to perform upon this section of roadway. Here are the bullet points of the meeting that I gathered while listening to this debate:

  • The City Council wants to widen the road wider than any other in the neighborhood, removing very old trees that line the roadway,  destroying historical integrity of the area and taking residents property through eminent domain.
  • Many residents in the area expressed concern that the wider project would make it impossible to park in their own driveways as the roadway would encroach to their front door.
  • Every resident who spoke out in this meeting that live along this area would prefer the street be widened to match others in the neighborhood.  This proposal would keep the trees and help preserve the historical integrity in this community.
  • Last October PRIOR to the elections the city council voted to place a citizens advisory and review board over this project to gain input and solutions from the residents.  The review board and residents unanimously approved of the project with the same size streets as currently within the neighborhood and preserving the integrity of the community.
  • The Citizens also raised the issue that with a wider road in a residential neighborhood that it would create an increased speeding problem in the area adjacent to the elementary school.
  • The city council has not taken any of the citizens concerns into consideration since the vote in October PRIOR to the elections was taken
  • The city council voted UNANIMOUSLY to move forward with the wider project, destroying the neighborhood, its trees and it’s residents property values.
  • The City attorney was admonished by the city council to begin litigation against any resident who stood in the way of this project beginning immediately.

The gamesmanship of this Mayor and it’s city council to appear cooperative in this issue with its residents simply to win the election and then steamroll this project through WITHOUT approval from it’s residents whom they are supposed to represent is appalling. 

From an outsiders viewpoint, yet one who has wonderful fond memories of Draper as a child, the proposal from the residents is far more logical, appealing and reasonable. The proposal from the residents is much safer for the children, preserves the community and comes with a lesser cost to widen as well as maintain the roadway and increased greenbelt in the long term.

The vile this city council showed towards it’s residents left me wondering what do these individual city council members stand to gain in this process.  What is the personal payoff for these elected officials to so boldly violate the trust and the will of the residents who elected them?  Why the admonition of the city council to the city attorney to begin litigation against those residents opposed to this project who will be directly impacted from the despicable actions of this city council?

I believe that the residents of Draper should unite in a recall election of these individuals and remove them from office immediately.  If these individuals are willing to violate the trust they have been given, what will be their next abuse of power?  All Draper residents should be deeply worried.

The State of Utah’s ongoing abuse of children and its destruction of families.

 

I have spent more than a decade fighting for my children and my belief that I should have a right to see them. My ex wife upon choosing to step out of our marriage with another man, took my kids and treated them as her property.  The state of Utah allowed this and granted extremely minimum visitation for me as their father.  This visitation many times was denied by my ex depending upon her mood and desire to manipulate the situation.  The courts never put a stop to it and emboldened her to continue this abusive behavior.  The complicity of the State of Utah, with my ex wife and its highly corruptible judges have deeply impacted my ongoing relationship with my children over the years.  It is only through my own laser like focus with my children and spending highly quality time when we are together that we maintain the relationship we do today.

 

The state of Utah is guilty of child abuse. The failure on the states part to protect children from the abusive, emotional manipulations of the mothers combined with the empowerment they create through the rulings of the judges have destroyed many families along the way. The laws and policies towards fathers creates an extremely emotionally abusive situation for the children that are caught in the crossfire of this states actions towards fathers and its failure to protect the child and their relationship with their parents.

These nightmares that I have lived in fighting to keep my children in my life were once again revisited today when I heard of the dozen men suing the state of Utah over its adoption practices.   The family courts in Utah have waged war against fathers over the years.   They will quickly throw a father who lost their job in jail for failure to pay child support, yet will never notify a father whose children are being abandoned by the mother and put up for adoption.  Adoption is an amazing thing!  While many children benefit greatly from adoption, it should only be done with BOTH parents consent.

The state of Utah needs to be stopped, punished and prosecuted for its ongoing abuse of children and destruction of families!

Here is a link to:

Fathers sue Utah over law allowing mothers to secretly give up babies for adoption

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/02/13/fathers-sue-utah-over-law-allowing-mothers-to-secretly-give-up-babies-for/

 

 

There are No Rules in Domestic Violence – My Story

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 I was asked to speak today to some of our state senators and representatives.   Here are my remarks:

I am a survivor and former victim of Domestic Violence.

I have been mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically and financially abused by my ex wife.  I have been bitten, hit, kicked, cut, and bruised.

There is a lie in our society that men cannot be victims of abuse and that if a woman abuses a man the man is somehow weak, or they did something to provoke her and deserve it.

There are no rules in domestic violence.  It is not conditional based upon gender or age.   It is not specific to your level of education, race, income, religion or social status.  It is a plague that is destroying families and our children and we must act to put an end to this scourge.  Abusers will blame the abused for making them into the abusers they are.  This is part of the manipulation process abusers use.  Sadly, many of us fall victim to this lie and believe it.

If we falsely believe that domestic violence will go away by ignoring it, or if we fall victim to the many lies about this plague we are abandoning our children and grandchildren to continue perpetually down this evil path in our society.

Domestic Violence impacts every one of us in this room.  Whether or not it is public knowledge or anyone outside the victims immediate family knows about it, such as in my case, we all know someone who lives this hell.  It could be your daughter, your son, father, mother, grandchild, or neighbor.  It could be a leader in your church or a teacher at school or your coworker and friend.  Most victims are silent, looking for help and not knowing where to turn.

In Utah we are surrounded by many who by outward appearances have great and amazing families.  From an outward perspective, I had it all, a great family, a great wife, a great job, a beautiful home and great kids.  No one ever suspected the hell I and my children were living as a result of her abuse.

Many have asked me afterwards why if things were so bad would I stay in the relationship for so long.  First and foremost I will tell you that I love my children and am a deeply devoted father.  I worried for their safety and well being if I left.

Remember I had been told by the many police officers and those in the legal profession that I turned to for help, that a man cannot be a victim of domestic violence and if it is happening then he provoked her to it.  Utah has a terrible history in family law, one that quite frankly we should all hang our heads in shame over and that is the blind obedience of the judges to mothers and custody.  This was the single largest issue that kept me in this abusive relationship.  I didn’t want my children to suffer without my protection for them.

In the end, like most abusers, she left when she found someone new.  My relief at this being over was minimized as the courts gave custody to her.  My biggest fear in leaving came true.

My other primary reason for staying is abuse doesn’t always start off being physical.  Abusers manipulate and make the abused feel worthless and that they don’t deserve anything better and that they deserve what they are getting.  This lie held me hostage for years.

It was upon finally being freed from this abuse that I began to know about the resources in the community like the Domestic Violence shelters and what they do.

I have spent countless hours volunteering to help with anything the local shelter was in need of, from painting, to moving furniture, to fixing toilet seats and washing machines.  I have spent the time to know and understand what they do and why they do it.    While a handful of the shelters will take in men, and shelter them from abusers, there are many that do not primarily due to funding issues.  I don’t believe I would have sought shelter as financially I was in the position to leave if I needed.

What I wish with all of my heart and that would have saved me and saved my children from witnessing the abuse is the knowledge available through the community outreach efforts of the shelters.  The education and resources they provide that would have given me direction and support were not known to me.  I was unaware that anyone could help my children and I during this nightmare we were living.

The South Valley Sanctuary currently operates a community outreach center in West Jordan to assist those in need of resources and support prior to the need to seek shelter.  We need more of this in our communities.  We need to ensure that our children are protected and that the resources are given to those making a difference on the front line of this plague everyday!

The domestic violence shelters need your support to continue to operate and not only provide the shelter from the violence, but the ongoing community outreach, training and resources to those in need prior to the need to flee. It is far less expensive to make certain that resources are available to those in need than it is to prosecute and house the perpetrator and bury the victims when the violence turns deadly.

We cannot end the violence if we are merely reactionary.  We must provide the resources in addition to just shelter that many in this community are in dire need.

As you review the funding this year, I hope that my story resonates with you and opens your eyes to the need for additional resources that will help these shelters continue to provide safety as well as resources to your daughters and sons experiencing violence at home to get the help that they need, before your need to plan their funeral.