My Dear Father! My Talk From His Funeral

It’s been five years this month. It’s still hard to believe he’s gone

jisbell22

                                               Image

My dad passed away nearly 3 years ago.  I have been asked many times to share the talk that I gave at his funeral as I said goodbye to a giant of a man!  Here is for you Dad, you will never be forgotten and we will always be blessed from your life and the example that it was for us.

Here is the talk:

The apostle Paul said in his second epistle to Timothy…  I have fought a good fight…

There is no greater truth that could be said than this of my father…   He fought a good fight.  His life is a road map on enduring to the end and overcoming obstacles and trials.

I have spent much time reflecting on my father’s life this past week…   I am reminded of my favorite Christmas show, one that as a child I fondly remember watching each Christmas eve…

View original post 1,288 more words

Heartache and Sorrow – A Perfect Pair

jisbell22

Broken heart

Heartache and sorrow

a perfect pair

ones always close by

when the other ones there

strength they gain

when together they come

much of a life

can come undone

combating these two

a challenge for all

for their goal in life

is to make you fall

so surround yourself

with those who love

turn to him

who resides above

for love and joy

will conquer the pair

it lifts your heart

from the depths of despair

don’t be afraid to love

its the only cure

To own your heart

and happiness procure

image: imagesbuddy.com

View original post

The Demon of Self Doubt

jisbell22

question-mark-keyboard

Much of the discouragement in this life comes from one of our strongest, most debilitating self demons known, that is self doubt.  This demon is responsible for much unhappiness and unrealized dreams for many and is responsible for repressing our motivation and natural drive to succeed in our endeavors.   I hear often of people whom suffer from extreme self doubt that they have given into the despair that undoubtedly will soon follow those whom fall prey to this demon.

Self doubt can paralyze individuals and destroy the self worth of an individual.  These doubts become a self belief system that at times can be extremely difficult and painful to overcome.  As individuals seek to conquer these demons they must first accept the realization that they and they alone are responsible for their happiness and joy as well as the where they currently are in life.  Far too often we blame circumstances…

View original post 210 more words

Goodbyes – A Fathers Heartache, part 21

goodbyes1

Goodbyes never get any easier.    I say them often to my beloved children as they leave to go back their mothers.  After years of this heartache, at times I seem numb to it, yet the pain deep inside can never be removed.

I often wonder what it is like for my children.   The heartache that they must feel moving between homes must at time be unbearable for them as well.  As each goodbye comes every week, the hugs and expressions of love are shared, yet as i watch them leave I can’t help but wonder if they truly know how much I love and adore them.

Our time with our children is our top priority when we are all together.   We support their activities and sports while balancing the precious limited moments in time we have to be together.  We spend our time together trying to show them of our deep love for them in every moment, from the small talk to family dinners, to the activities to the tucking in at bed and nightly prayer.

Then the goodbyes painfully come again.  As I reflect upon last nights goodbye, the realization of the extremely limited communication for the next week deepens the heartache felt watching the kids as they leave.  I think to myself as I watch them go that such little time is so unfair.  With a deep breath, followed by a long sigh, the emotions are back under control as I drive home alone once again, the same lonely drive made six times a month.

Goodbyes never get easier, the pain always present, as the fortress around my heart strengthens.

Childhood Memories – A bucket of sand

jisbell22

Image

One of the most memorable stories of my youth involved a beach.. a cousin… an uncle… and a bucket of sand. My dad convinced my cousin Marilyn during a family vacation to California to sneak up behind my uncle Gail with a bucket of sand…  My uncle Gail always wore cowboy boots and jeans… and here we were at the beach and he was sitting down watching the kids play in the water… he didn’t suspect a thing although he should have known better. Marilyn who did anything Uncle Dave asked dutifully obliged my father and dumped this bucket over Uncle Gail’s head… while my dad videotaped it of course…   Imagine the laughter as we watched a teenage girl in sandals outrun a cowboy in his boots on the sandy beach as he chased her until he couldn’t run any more….  He never did catch her…

View original post

The Excuses of Life

Cemetery_in_sunset

I can’t today

There is so much to do

I have piles of work

That I must get through

Next week we’ll do it

That will be best

I’m so tired right now

I just need a rest

Life is so busy

There just isn’t time

Maybe next summer

A chance we will find

What do you mean, he’s gone?

That just isn’t fair!

There was so many things

That I wanted to share

My heart is breaking

For the time that was lost

The excuses of life

Came at GREAT COST!

HOPE

HOPE

With all the negativity surrounding us, from issues at home, within our countries to the chaos around the world, there is a greater need for hope now than ever before, yet so many have abandoned hope.

Hope is critical in our lives.  If we don’t hope for things how can we ever have faith?, for faith is the substance of things hoped for.  Hope is a prerequisite of faith.

There are many who have lost hope in this life.  Hope for a brighter future.  Hope for our relationships and families.  Hope for our countries.  Hope for anything.

Hope helps us move beyond our fears and prevents us from despair.  Those whom have lost hope often find themselves in a state of despair and continual misery.

Hopeful people are happy, even when dissatisfied with things.  Hope drives us to change and have faith and believe in a better tomorrow.

When hope seems lost, pray. Pray for hope.  Seek out hope.

We control our own lives.  We can always find hope when we seek it, prayer and scripture study can bring hope into our lives.  When we have hope, all things are possible.   When we do not, we are left with despair.

It is easy to lose hope.  We must always be prayerful and watchful that we have hope in our lives, for without it, we are lost.  Having or losing hope is a personal choice for we are in control of our minds and thoughts, no one else.

The Game; By Bridger, my 12 year old son

wpid-img950192.jpg

 

Many of you know that I encourage my children to write. I try to get them to write often. Many times it can be a struggle as they search for something to say. I suggested to Bridger, my twelve year old son to write about his basketball game yesterday. So he did, and he wanted to share this with the world!

The Game, by Bridger Isbell

Yesterday as Tim Allen, BYU’s basketball recruiter watched rising star, Bridger Isbell play he was in awe with several parts of his game.  Tim shared with us earlier what some of those parts were.

When we asked Tim about Bridger’s game, he responded.

“His effort, he plays every play like his last and gives his all the entire time he’s on the floor, both on offense and defense.”

We then asked him what stood out most about his offensive game, he responded. “His ability to create a shot.    He is the definition of in the gym range.  He was hitting shots from everywhere, 3 pointers, jumpers, floaters, you name it, he made it.”

When we asked about his defense he responded.

“He has an eye on when to jump the lane and pick the pocket of the point guard.”

When asked what he would rate yesterdays game, Tim simply said “a 10”  When pressed why a ten, he said “Look at the stats!   Bridger had quite the game; 15 points, 6 assists, 5 rebounds and 2 blocks.  9 of his 15 points came from beyond the 3 point line.”

He showed an excellent outing, and with another game like that he will have a very bright future.

 

By Bridger Isbell

What We Believe in Ourselves, Others Will Also.

Self Worth

One comment!  One offhanded remark.  20 years to overcome the damage.

Looking back, the simplicity of one persons off handed incredibly cruel and hurtful remark left lasting scars that even I didn’t fully understand the damage done for nearly 2 decades.

I was a 19, nearly 20 year old kid.  I had gone to serve a mission for my church in Argentina.  I ended up re-injuring my knee and before I knew it I was home preparing for another surgery.

After months of therapy and rehab, i was unable to get a medical clearance to return and was left sitting home unable to complete the mission I had so looked forward to for years.

Months of pain, rehab, crutches and knee braces had passed and the mobility was slowly returning.  My heart ached as I no longer felt I belonged anywhere.  I struggled to find my place at home, in my family, in my church and in school.  I wasn’t supposed to be back for another year, yet here I was, struggling to find myself and struggling to belong.

The vile rumors swirled throughout members of my ward and stake.  I heard them often, kept my distance and sat alone each sunday.  My heart aching to be accepted again.

Then 9 little words spoken.  Stan Gammon had been my leader, my confidant and friend throughout my youth.  He had been an advisor to my young mens group from the time i was twelve until eighteen.  i admired this man.  i looked up to this man.  I respected this man and his opinion greatly.

I had been asked to teach the 8 year old sunday school class.  I was thrilled to be given this calling and excited that maybe I could start fitting in again.  This fleeting feeling of acceptance flashed by so fast, within the hour I was left bewildered, hurt confused, lost and feeling more alone than I had ever felt in my life.

You see, Stan had a son that was about 9 at the time.  When it was announced that I would be teaching the 8 year olds, within the hour Stan had approached me asking what age group I would be teaching.  Excitedly I told him the 8 year olds.

The past 9 months of anguish, loneliness and despair surged upon me, destroying my spirit in the process as 9 small words were spoken by this man, words that unknowingly would haunt me for decades to come.

“GOOD, AT LEAST YOU WON’T BE CORRUPTING MY CHILDREN!”

This was a man whom for 6 years I had respected, looked up to and trusted.  His response ignited all the pent up emotions I had been suppressing for nearly a year.  This made all the other rumors and gossip that much more difficult to face.  If this man believed that of me, a man who knew me well, then how would anyone else ever see my worth?

I held it in, believing they were only words spoken by an ignorant man, yet subconsciously they cut deep and hurt more than any words ever spoken to me.

I held it in, I held everything in.  The words ate at my soul.  i never dealt with them.   They had created within me a belief that I was worthless and that if these people who knew me for all these years couldn’t love me, then who would?

The next 20 years brought tremendous heartache,  rejection, loneliness and despair.   While my career thrived, I shut everyone out, not letting anyone get close enough to me to ever hurt me again.

This only compounded my sadness.  I was the one hurting.  Not them.  i allowed this man’s hateful, mean and vile remarks to rob me of the happiness  and love that I deserved.  In my relationships, I chose people who would hurt me as I believed that was all I was worth and that I didn’t believe I deserved better.

Then one day about 8 years ago I was listening to a talk while driving back from some sales calls in California.  As I listened about healing emotional scars from the inside out and how many times we don’t even understand the reasons why the original scar is there in the first place.  The deepest scars are often the hardest to pinpoint the event that caused them.

Desiring to know what caused my deepest scars, I prayed continually while driving for the next 9 hours.  As i pondered this question, my mind raced back to this event in my life and it all fit together.  This  was the event that shook my foundation and self belief.

As I again faced this event, I was able to process how this changed my self esteem and how everything beyond that moment was impacted.   I began to take control of it and stop letting it control me.  It was a process and at times difficult to relive.

My life now is amazing and the opportunities ahead divine.

Seize the moments in life, and never let the words or actions of others control your own happiness.  We are solely responsible for making our lives amazing.  It is our choice just as this was my choice to let his words hurt me and destroy my happiness for so long.

What we believe in ourselves, others will also.