We cast upon others that which we ourselves struggle the most with. We are terrified as people to see our own weaknesses within ourselves so we project our own insecurities upon others, many times upon those whom we love the most and who in return love us the most.
We may hurt someone deeply and instead of seeing the pain we cause them, we project it upon them and blame them for the heartache they feel in their life, as if the hurt was caused not by our own actions, but those whom we have hurt. This lack of self acceptance and responsibility for our actions is often driven by our fear of examining ourselves and our own behaviors. It is simpler for us to blame the person hurt than to accept our culpability in causing the pain. We close our eyes and hide from this, moving forward feeling sorry for the individual while refusing to feel the sorrow for the pain we cause.
We then move forward through life, years may pass and neither us nor the person we hurt has been able to heal as the blame is continually miscast at the wrong feet, one person being deluged with reminders of the heartache, the other oblivious to the pain that they caused due to their fear of self examination and acceptance of ones own actions.
Judging becomes a mechanism to prevent the pain we feel when we finally acknowledge our culpability.
Once we do determine and truly accept our actions that have caused another person pain, if truly sorrowful we will do all in our power to restore things that have been lost as a result of our actions and the ensuing blame we falsely placed.