Goodbyes never get any easier. I say them often to my beloved children as they leave to go back their mothers. After years of this heartache, at times I seem numb to it, yet the pain deep inside can never be removed.
I often wonder what it is like for my children. The heartache that they must feel moving between homes must at time be unbearable for them as well. As each goodbye comes every week, the hugs and expressions of love are shared, yet as i watch them leave I can’t help but wonder if they truly know how much I love and adore them.
Our time with our children is our top priority when we are all together. We support their activities and sports while balancing the precious limited moments in time we have to be together. We spend our time together trying to show them of our deep love for them in every moment, from the small talk to family dinners, to the activities to the tucking in at bed and nightly prayer.
Then the goodbyes painfully come again. As I reflect upon last nights goodbye, the realization of the extremely limited communication for the next week deepens the heartache felt watching the kids as they leave. I think to myself as I watch them go that such little time is so unfair. With a deep breath, followed by a long sigh, the emotions are back under control as I drive home alone once again, the same lonely drive made six times a month.
Goodbyes never get easier, the pain always present, as the fortress around my heart strengthens.