Don’t Worry, It Will Be Ok

children withdrawn

Don’t worry, things will be ok”

“Things will work out how they are supposed to”

“You’ll be fine”

Common phrases we all use and hear every day of our lives.   When someone we know is going through a difficult time, health issues, family issues, work issues, school.. whatever an individual is struggling with, we tell them the same thing.  Often we use these phrases as our attempt to reassure or make them feel better that things will indeed be alright.

These phrases can carry great comfort to an individual when used in conjunction with a conversation proceeding such a statement.  Conversely the opposite is true when it is our first response.

Have you ever truly given thought to what the other person was feeling?  saying?  thinking? or in our rush to make them feel better we use one of the above lines with no apparent thought and negate any help we could otherwise provide.  We have forgotten the art of conversation, listening and understanding.  We rush to solve problems without fully understanding them  and we rush to make things better without knowing what we are making better.

These phrases end conversations.  They provide nowhere to go in a conversation.  Once used, a conversation is dead, even if it continues, we have expressed our thoughts independent of further understanding.

Think for a minute, every time one of these lines have been used with you.  Does the conversation ever progress beyond that moment?  Is there ever a further understanding of the issues? fears? heartaches? or concerns?  The reality is that while we attempt to ease the concerns fears, etc.. of another by immediately telling them that things will be alright, we actually minimize the others feelings and concerns as unimportant.  We never hear and can never understand what fears they may have, concerns or thoughts unless we allow them the opportunity to talk openly about them, without ending the conversation.

These phrases can send the message when used at the beginning of “i’m done with this conversation”  “I’m not worried about your life” and even, “I don’t really want to listen to this”

Asking more direct questions like “what about this is scaring you?” or “what is your biggest concern?” etc.. will actually portray our correct level of concern and allow the other person to feel heard and understood.

This will provide a deeper level of compassion, comfort and empathy for those we want to help feel better in the first place.

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25 thoughts on “Don’t Worry, It Will Be Ok

  1. Reading it immediately after hearing a “It’s going to be okay.” is kinda funny and relieving. I guess I’m not the only one who gets to hear such phrases. 🙂 (What a sadistic relief!!)

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  2. My grandma just passed and no one really commented. I was kind of upset because I needed to hear that everything was going to be okay. I needed someone to sit there and care. I can’t agree with this completely because sometimes you just need that kind of encouragement.

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    • I am genuinely sorry that your grandma passed. I can just imagine the pain is great, especially if you two were close. My grandmother died 11 years ago and it some days it feels like yesterday. I promise this…. Grief is a journey. Some days will be harder than others. But it will eventually be ok. You will forever hold a place for her in your heart, but you’ll be able to focus more on good memories and happy times one day. Being consumed by the grief will indeed pass.

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  3. I agree. It’s a conversation killer for sure. But I have learned some people are not equipped to handle such conversations. They mean well, but by no fault of their own, they were designed differently…. They have different gifts. That’s why the highly sensitive deep thinkers are more aware of how people are feeling and can get comfortable enough with their discomfort to listen about hard things. It’s a gift to be able to understand it and a bigger gift to be able to offer a receiving conversation to someone that needs brighter days. I honestly believe some people simply aren’t designed to help, but their intentions are good or at least equal to their ability of self awareness. The ability to listen, experience sympathy and offer compassion is a gift to some people, but not all people. And those highly sensitive people have other things that plague them! Thank you for the post. Great blog to bring some sensitivity to a common issue experienced by those that may need encouragement.

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  4. My favourite supportive/conversation-ender statement is “Be strong”. Especially when used in the context of grief. It produces images of someone breaking into squats at a funeral parlor, and results in me simultaneously giggling and feeling mild rage at the triviality of the phrase given the overwhelming context.

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