Finding Light in the Darkness of our Wounds

We are all wounded. Each of us at one point or another has been hurt and have struggled in overcoming some wrong we feel was done to us. Whether real or imagined, the reality is that we all hurt from these moments. We carry within us the hurt that we have internalized, the self doubts and fears that are locked away deep within us, usually as the result of the actions of others.

These wounds can stay hidden and locked away for years, even decades before we are ready to face them, and enable the healing process to take place. For some, that healing may never occur, as the pain is so deep and terrifying for the person to ever face those demons.

Nearly 25 years ago I experienced some interactions with very close friends whose words and actions cut me deep. The heartache was immediate, the pain deep and wide. I spent the next two decades locking that pain away, never wanting to face it and to deal with the cruelness of their actions. I never spoke about it, I never shared it and I kept it locked up deep within.

While driving across the Nevada desert one weekend alone in my thoughts nearly 5 years ago I found myself pondering upon a book I had just listened to on CD. “Healing the Wounded Soul” by Jack R Christianson. As I contemplated upon the powerful message I had heard about wounds needing to heal from the inside out and how the gospel of Jesus Christ can make that happen I went back to the days in my life when that wound was so fresh and painful. As I examined the heartaches in my life and the pain that I had all to often experienced I discovered the most valuable of lessons I could ever have imagined. We are all wounded. Haunted by the demons of our past. This has forever altered the way I view others in the midst of their solitude.

I went all the way back to my days in High School, when life was grand and it seemed I had it all, great friends and family around me, supporting and encouraging me. I analyzed my life forward from that moment, then it hit me. I relived that awful painful moment when I began holding things inside and keeping everyone away. The moment the walls went up and all others were kept out.

I realized in the midst of my sorrowful recollection that so many decisions in life stemmed from that one moment in time. I allowed the actions and words of someone dear to me to impact my world such that I would never feel deserving of anyone’s love or support in this life. That one betrayal, so deep would shape the course of my life. As long as I held on to that pain, I would continue to be a victim to this individuals cruelness.

I decided in that moment 5 years ago, alone, in the hot desert of Nevada that I would find healing for that moment in my life and then allow the healing for everything past that moment, all stemming from that wound to heal as well. It was painful as I waded through decades of heartache and sorrow. In the end, I regained my inner peace and happiness along the way.

Through this process not only did I begin the healing process, yet also the wisdom to see others in a different light. I believe that many individuals who seemingly wander lost and directionless through this life are victims of a hidden sorrow that many of them may not even consciously remember. That moment when the walls went up around them, allowing no one to fully enter.

We are all wounded in some way or another, some of us have simply found our way through the darkness and into the world where light can shine again. We all can find our way through the darkness as we look to the light that is available to all.