Darkness at times seems to overwhelm me as I search the deepest crevices of my shattered and broken heart. My heartache and deepest yearnings to see and talk to my children daily overwhelm me at times as if being engulfed by the tsunami of emotions and grief.
Only those whom have walked this painful road and carried this cross can comprehend the overwhelming sadness that accompanies one on this journey. The broken heart that never heals. I wonder daily if I will ever feel whole again in this life or if my heart will always feel this unbearable loss and sadness.
I try to focus on the many amazing, wonderful and positive blessings in my life, my dearest little Bella and my Beloved Karla. The joy and happiness that they bring to me is immeasurable and the gratitude for these blessings match the emotions of that tsunami of sadness. The rollercoaster of emotions like the high tides flow in and out of my heart daily.
How can one moment I feel so happy and joy with these blessings in my life while my heart is breaking from missing my other children so much. The dichotomy that exists as a result can prove difficult at best to resolve and find peace.
I miss my children when they are away. My soul hungers to hold them and smile with them.
My heart full and at the same time shattered and broken.