Random Thoughts from a Facebook Friend

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I have a friend who frequently posts the most random thoughts on Facebook.   The witty posts often make me laugh out loud.  I decided to share some of these with you today care of Amber Smith:

  • Sorry about when you asked me what I wanted for Valentine’s Day and I asked for the last 5 years back.
  • I just got kicked out of a Whole Foods store for wearing deodorant.
  • Shout out to everyone who just kicks the dropped ice cube under the fridge instead of picking it up and throwing it in the sink.
  • Daisy Dukes should come with an application, an interview and a letter of approval
  • Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
  • One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn’t Nintendo.
  • Since there’s no wrong way to eat a Reeses, I eat mine while still in the store so I don’t have to pay.
  • I feel like every time I go to Walmart I automatically witness the contradiction to their slogan being: ‘save money, live better’
  • So apparently airport security doesn’t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
  • Stop playing the victim. That’s not even a real instrument.
  • If you tell a woman to “relax” prepare for the least relaxing day of your life.
  • Give a woman a compliment and you’ll eat for a day. Force a woman to fish for compliments and she’ll feed someone else.
  • I know at least three people who are alive today, because I just didn’t want to go to prison.
  • I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
  • Bed Bath & Beyond would be a great name for a hospice care center.
  • Chivalry died right around the time men started wearing womens skinny jeans
  • I got up early this morning so I could be late for work without rushing.
  • Married sext: Please remember to bring your Tupperware home from work today.
  • Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don’t even call back people I know.
  • Hugged my ex at Walmart. If he thinks he’s confused now, wait till the alarm goes off when he leaves with that magnetic strip on his back.
  • That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the ‘close’ button
  • If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.
  • Whenever I see 2 names carved into a tree, I just think it is strange how many people take knives on a date
  • My friend left his laptop on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950.
  • You really don’t need to drive me crazy…..I’m close enough to walk.
  • Just replaced the cat litter with 44 packages of pop rocks…And now we wait.
  • My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart….
  • Pro Tip: If you microwave a hot dog long enough it becomes a Slim Jim.
  • I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn.And now we wait…
  • I hinted to my boyfriend saying that I wanted a gift with diamonds in it.
  • He got me a deck of cards. In other news, I’m single.
  • I had social networking when I was a kid too. Back then it was called ”outside.”
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26 thoughts on “Random Thoughts from a Facebook Friend

  1. Reblogged this on It's Hard To Be Ladylike and commented:
    Today, I’m pleased to share a post I read over at Random Observation of Life. I find the Facebook posts of her friend to be clever and funny, so much so that I may have to seek out and beg Amber Smith to accept my friend request. Forget about Carmen Sandiego. Amber Smith, where are you?

    Like

  2. Thanks a lot for making me laugh! 🙂 Some of them are so true.. for example the one about plans for staring at the phones in the weekend and the one about social networking as a kid. They remind me how different life was back then. Funny but true:)

    Like

  3. These are hilarious! But most of them aren’t original… they can be found all over the internet on “witty facebook status” pages like this one [https://www.facebook.com/FunnyStatusUpdate] There’s tons of funny one’s on here too! 🙂

    Like

  4. Reblogged this on robertswife and commented:
    I really enjoyed this from one of the blogs I follow. Hope you enjoy . Have a Happy New Year!
    And thanks @jisbellol for the good laugh! 😂😂😂😂

    Like

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